


White Knights Don't Exist

by satsuki19



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-16 20:56:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2284215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satsuki19/pseuds/satsuki19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bloodied, dirtied fingers struggled with the keypad, and a thumb jabbed the redial button, staining the pad with red. His body throbbed with ache and his chest constricted at the voice coming out of the receiver; he is not going to cry, damn it! Not now!</p><p>Makoto..!</p><p>"The number you are calling is currently out of reach. Please check the number and try your call again, or leave a message after the beep."</p><p>Please...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Glass

It hurt.

 

Oh God did it  _hurt_.

 

His vision was clouded, his mind was hazy; he couldn't walk. He couldn't  _breathe._ He had used up all of his power and he was using the last remains of his strength to-

 

> "The number you are calling is currently out of reach. Please check the number and try your call again, or-"

 

_Fuckdammit!_

 

Bloodied, dirtied fingers struggled with the keypad, and a thumb jabbed the redial button, staining the pad with red. His body throbbed with ache and his chest constricted at the voice coming out of the receiver; he is  _not_  going to cry, damn it! Not now!

 

> "The number you are calling is currently out of reach. Please-"

 

_This is ridiculous! Why won't he pick up?!_

 

With one press at the pad, the line was cut and the same number was redialed. 

 

> "The number you are calling is currently out of reach. Pl-"
> 
>  

Again.

 

> "The number you are calling is currently out of-"
> 
>  

And again.

 

_Mako, pick up..! Please pick up!_

 

 

> "The number you are calling is currently-"
> 
>  

And again.

 

_It hurts, Makoto! Please pick up! Please! I need you!_

 

 

> "The number you are calling-"

 

_Where are you?!_

 

> "The number y-"
> 
>  

_I_ _'m sorry, please just_ -

 

 

> "The nu-"

 

_Makoto!_

 

 

> "The number you are calling is currently out of reach. Please check the number and try your call again, or leave a message after the beep."

 

_Please..._

* * *

When Makoto woke up, it was with a pounding headache and strong wave of nausea.

 

His eyes felt heavy, but his body was awake and urging him to move. The soft, dim light coming from the windows told him that the thick dark-blue curtains were closed and he was slightly thankful for it. He had never woken up with such a bad hangover and he wondered how many shots he had downed last night. Thank the heavens for his strong stomach. He was never much of a drinker due to his awful tolerance to alcohol, but his fights with Rin after these few years were finally taking a toll on him.

 

_Rin._

 

Speaking of Rin..

 

Where was he?

 

It was the weekends – that Makoto could remember, he'd not go out for drinking on a weekday – and from the way the sun was glaring at the closed curtains he'd say it was now somewhere close to noon.

 

God, was he really that messed up last night? He'd have to guess he was, since he now faintly recalled the main reason why he had that drink; a fight with Rin that turned physical – and almost bloody, if not for Makoto's walking off at the last minute before his anger took the better of him.

 

But  _why_ they fought, was still a vague memory in the back of his mind. A surge of guilt filled him as his chest constricted. He was pretty sure it was about jealousy, now that he thought about it.

 

And Haru.

 

Most of their "bloody" fights began because of the "Haruka topic", anyway. Either it was because Rin felt that Makoto was comparing him to the blue-eyed H2Ophiliac, or because Makoto felt that Rin didn't need him as much as Haruka did. Well, those were two out of many a dozen reasons. But somehow, this time... Makoto felt that there was something else.

 

Ah crap, his head hurt.

 

Maybe he should just think about this later...

 

But judging by the coldness beside him and the silence filling the whole of the apartment told him that Rin really didn't come home last night; Rin usually made up his side of the bed when he went out for his morning jogs and usually cranked up the TV or put on some loud music to help him focus on his assignments as soon as he got back.

 

Makoto started to worry.

 

The silence was eerily uncomfortable – haunting, perhaps? – and it made Makoto shudder. He didn't like this, this sense of being all alone, and he was quite sure it wasn't just because of his fear towards the unseen.

 

His mother hen instincts kicked in.

 

There was something wrong, there just was; but he oddly seemed unable to put his finger on it. He wanted to call Rin and make sure that the Aquarius was okay; but he knew that calling the red-head would most probably lead to more fights since said butterfly swimmer hated being coddled when they were having a fight. Rin saw Makoto's affection and worry as a way of cheating sometimes; a way of taking Rin's heart without really solving the matter at hand (in which Rin was right, sometimes).

 

And honestly, no matter how worried he was, the thought of another fight simply brought on another headache pounding at Makoto's skull.

 

_Yeah, no._

 

He'll just wait until Rin had calmed down, came home, and was willing to talk.

 

Besides, this wasn't the first time this happened, anyway.

* * *

"Makoto!"

 

That voice, accompanied with that excessively loud banging on his front door, was a tell-tale hint to the 23 year old Scorpio regarding of whom his visitor was. Nobody else but his childhood friend would have the gall to bang on his door – ignoring the doorbell sitting  _right there_  – but the way Haruka yelled his name, just that once, in that tone of his, made the tall young man somehow feel a bit uncomfortable. He could tell it was urgent; he just hoped there was nothing wrong.

 

Dropping a towel on top of his wet mop of dirty blonde hair, Tachibana Makoto made his way over to the door in quick steps as he rubbed the towel to his head in an attempt to dry his hair.

 

"Haru, what's wrong?" he started immediately as he opened up the door, stepping aside to let his raven friend in. The way Haruka nearly barged inside – or, well, as much as one Nanase Haruka could  _barge –_ made something in his stomach drop. The glare that Haruka aimed at him as he closed the door behind him wasn't helping much, either.

 

"Haru, wha-"

 

"Where's your phone."

 

There, that question. That question held a tone, a tone that made the question sound more like a testy statement than an actual inquiry. A tone that Haruka only used when he was impatient or angry. And Haru was rarely angry.

 

And, well, come to think of it, yeah. Where  _was_  his phone?

 

He remembered putting it in his pocket along with his wallet and keys before he left... And he surely didn't put in his jacket pocket since he remembered one of them had a hole in it. He also had his phone with him as he was on the way to the bar since he remembered telling Haruka of his whereabouts. He's quite sure he didn't touch his phone at all while he was at the bar, either.

 

So, then... Where was it?

 

The morning just went on so quietly without a single call or mail whatsoever that he didn't even think of his phone! Oh shit. Maybe that's why he had been feeling so uneasy? Or, wait. If Haru came here just to ask him about his phone, did that mean that Haru actually called him about something and he didn't pick up? Or maybe-

 

"Makoto."

 

Ah, right. The question.

 

"I... don't know."

 

Haruka raised an eyebrow.

 

"No, really, I can't remember," Makoto frowned, thinking, "I – Hold on. Just, just hold on, I'll be back," and the young man rushed off to find his jeans.

 

There was something wrong with Makoto, and Haruka could tell just by looking at the young man run from one room to another in the seemingly-futile-search of his phone.

 

Makoto seemed so disconnected with the world; distracted. And he was quite sure it wasn't just because of the alcohol. Haruka knew about the fight with Rin, of course; he was the first person Makoto had contacted when the tall brunette decided to go out drinking. His childhood friend was never good at holding his liquor and the younger one had called him to come looking for him if he didn't call the next day.

 

And of course, Makoto never did call, which was one of the reasons why Haruka had rushed all the way from his house to his friend's apartment.

 

It worried him, this.

 

Makoto's relationship with Rin wasn't smooth; never was, never had been, even after three and a half or more so years. Fights here and there in all kinds of form; ranging from small arguments to quarrels to real actual  _fights_  that involved one of them – or sometimes even both, if Rin had taken it too far – sporting at least one bruise.

 

They were opposites, these two, and Haruka never could fathom how they had actually ended up getting together. They both hated quarrels, but one dealt with it by acting as if it never happened whereas the other dealt with it by _dealing with it_ ; and of course, it would almost always end up in Rin getting even more furious.

 

Makoto avoided conflict like the plague; he hated it and simply just pretended they never existed, letting problems pile up. Haruka knew this habit way too well but had found his way around it, thank goodness.

 

Rin, on the other hand, liked his problems solved the instant they were discovered. And their problems were usually discovered in the midst of yelling and arguments. Second guesses why they almost never got anything solved – if not for Haru's mediation, of course, and he honestly felt as if he was a part of their relationship sometimes.

 

You'd think they'd be a bit more mature at the age of 23 and do something about it. Then again, it seemed that they were too much in love – or at least, Makoto was – and if both his friends were happy with how they were (no matter how destructive this actually seemed to him) then hey, what right did he have to get a say in it? Besides, they've held on for this long. Maybe there was still hope for them.

 

Maybe.

 

Which Haruka highly doubted, to be honest, but-

 

"Haru..."

 

Ah, Makoto's back.

 

"...?"

 

The steps his taller friend took were slow, searching,  _uncertain_ , as those emerald orbs focused itself on the screen of the green flip-phone. Makoto's eyes were filled with worry as he was drowned in thought, and Haruka knew he wouldn't like what'd come next as the brunette stood beside him.

 

"Haru, I..." Makoto's voice suddenly faltered, and with a sigh, the young man offered up his phone for his childhood friend to take.

 

 

> _You have 3 message(s) and 23 missed call(s)._

 

Well, that's interesting. Let's see, then.

 

 

> _From : Haru-chan_  
>  I'm coming over.  
>  [12:47, 10/06/2014]
> 
> _From : Haru-chan_  
>  Makoto. Where are you.  
>  [12:15, 10/06/2014]
> 
> _From : Haru-chan_  
>  Pick up the phone.  
>  [12:00, 10/06/2014] 

 

Well, no surprises there. Those were all the messages that Haruka himself had sent when Makoto hadn't called him in the morning before he got worried and decided that he should just come over if he wanted to make sure his big innocent oaf of a mother hen best friend hadn't gotten himself killed during his trip out to get drunk.

 

"The missed calls, Haru. The calls," came Makoto's forlorn voice from beside him and Haruka exited the menu to switch to the call logs. What he found made it feel as if someone had dropped a brick in his stomach.

 

> _Haru-chan (5 missed calls)  
>  Rinrin (18 missed calls)_  

 

"Ha...?"

 

Eighteen? Really?

 

A click on Rin's highlighted name showed the details of the log, and Haruka's azure orbs widened. The red-head had called Makoto at two-thirty in the morning with each call differing by only a few seconds. Rin had actually managed to try and call his boyfriend eighteen times in the span of five minutes, only to receive the operator, just like Haruka had this morning.

 

Makoto's fidgeting beside him was a drop-dead obvious tell-tale sign of a soon-to-come-breakdown. Yay.

 

"Haru, I- He called me. He tried reaching me. Eighteen times!  _Eighteen_ , Haru, eighteen times in  _five_  minutes! I- He- Oh God-" and Haruka could only watch as the orca slowly sank to the ground, knees bunched in front of his chest as his butt found the floor.

 

Yep, the breakdown is starting.

 

"He tried reaching me, and I didn't pick up! My phone was dead and he just...!" Haru could hear him ramble on from beside him on the floor, "Eighteen times! I – Oh God he needed me and I just  _had to_...!"

 

Haruka had always wondered how a boy with a body as big and strong as Makoto's could look so small and fragile at times like these. Slowly, the raven crouched beside his friend and hugged him, letting the taller boy bury his face in his shoulder.

 

"Stop worrying, Mako. Rin's fine," and the dolphin could feel his best friend's iron grip on the back of his shirt as he tried his best to soothe him, "He really is."

 

"How do you know?" came the dreaded muffled question somewhere there by the crook of his neck and Haru sighed. Thank God his relationship with water wasn't this complicated.

 

"Calm down, and I'll tell you."

* * *

Matsuoka Rin was definitely not a crybaby.

 

But then again, it was hard for Rin not to cry, really, and the cold night air didn't do his puffy eyes much justice, either.

 

He knew it was wrong of him to just storm out of the apartment after a fight like that – it wasn't the first time he ran away, though it is in the past two years – but he knew Makoto was as aggravated as he was and that the brunette wouldn't have the thought to worry about him anyway. The fight was stupid, like the rest of all their fights, really, and Rin honestly couldn't figure out how this one actually got to the topic of his best friend Sousuke.

 

He remembered it starting with Makoto repeating his bad habit of getting himself too worked up about something that was obviously not his fault nor his responsibility, and Rin remembered himself being so tired and cranky because of the dumb-ass assignment he was working on that he just got fed-up with his boyfriend's illogical whining and worrying that he just snapped.

 

I mean why in the fucking hell would Makoto possibly think he was responsible for his classmate's inability to adapt himself in class and thus fail terribly on tests?! Him not being kind enough does not alter that idiot's decision against lending his notes! Why can't the guy understand that he can't take the blame for everything?! Rin's been repeating the same lecture from since they were in high school, fuck damn it!

 

"Asshole," the shark mumbled to himself, "Stupid, idiot, dumbass mother hen. Always thinking about other people..."

 

But then of  _course_  Makoto got defensive and worked his martyr-logic on him, which of course got the shark even more aggravated. They then somehow reached the topic of Haru, of how Makoto always mothered and took  _such_  a responsibility of Haru that he barely had time for Rin; and suddenly the brunette mentioned Sousuke. He mentioned of how Rin had been all over his childhood friend since they met each other again and that it's fucking fair for Makoto to mother Haru if Rin was going to be clingy to Sousuke while it's so  _not_  fair, not in the slightest bit because it simply wasn't the same-

 

And then the next thing Rin knew, he was already against the wall with Makoto's lower arm on his throat, pinning him there. He had steeled himself for a blow, but then Makoto had just let go and then Rin just ran. He took his jacket and stormed out into the streets, and now here he was, crying his manly tears as he walked aimlessly through the city.

 

Rin sighed.

 

He knew he was wrong.

 

He knew it was his fault for lashing out.

 

But really, this tension between them is getting unbearable.

 

"Makoto..."

 

_Maybe he should go home._

 

His phone told him he had been walking for an hour or two already anyway, and Rin decided that after he finishes this last walk around the block, he'll go pick up some instant curry by the twenty-four hour supermarket as an apology.

 

Little did he expect the pair of strong arms hauling him bodily into the nearest alleyway, pinning him to the wall as the reek of alcohol assaulted his nostrils and panic flooded his brain.

 

He could feel big, unfamiliar hands roaming his body, probably looking for his wallet and phone... Except that his phone wasn't exactly beneath his shirt, and Rin was sure that these guys would at least have half a brain to know that, too.

 

"Let go of me, you son of a bitch!" Rin yelled into faces he could not quite see, and a sudden stinging pain on his left arm caught him off-guard, allowing one of those big hands to take a handful of his wine-red locks and slam his head into the wall.

 

"GAH!"

 

And as his head hit the brick wall, Rin opened his eyes and bolted up on the bed, fingers clenching the sheets as if it were his life line.

 

Why couldn't he stop replaying last night, even in sleep?

* * *

Saying that Makoto was freaking out was an understatement.

 

"Mako, calm down," came Haruka's voice from beside him, but how in the world could he  _calm down?!_ After all, receiving word from your best friend that your boyfriend had been raped in an alleyway the night you had a fight and went off drinking as said boyfriend called for help wasn't exactly something you could digest and get over with in ten minutes.

 

"How can you say that, Haru?!" Makoto practically wailed as he buried his head in his hands, "He was calling me! He needed my help and I was – I was  _drinking_  for fuck's sake!"

 

Did Makoto just swear?

 

Huh.

 

Rin's really rubbing off on him, then.

 

"There was nothing you coud've done about it," Haru mumbled, and he knew that the raven was just trying to calm him down; but simple-Haru-logic was something Makoto didn't need right now. What he needed was to be able to turn back time!

 

"I could've stayed home and waited for him to come home! I could have- I could have run after him!"

 

A small voice in the back of his head mocked him, asking if he actually could have run after the redhead with all of the anger pent up inside of him – which suddenly reminded Makoto of what he had done just before Rin had went off. He had shoved the older one into the wall and nearly punched him – Makoto could feel the guilt literally  _choke_  him right now – and the brunette remembered that the only thing holding him back at the time was a small flicker of fear in Rin's eyes.

 

Oh God.

 

No wonder Rin ran away.

 

"He hadn't run off on me in the past two years, Haru! I should have- Oh God this is all my fault! I-"  
  


"Mako."

 

"I'm such a jerk! How could I have let this happen to him! I-- I should've-- Oh God I should never have said all of what I said, I--"

 

"Makoto."

 

"How can I ever make it up to him? How can I even ever face him?? How can--"

 

But before he could finish that sentence, Makoto was already on the floor with a throbbing jaw, Haruka standing above him with his fist still in the air. Yeah, even his best friend has a limit for his antics, it seemed.

 

"Ha-haru?"

 

"Makoto. Calm down, or I won't take you to where Rin is."

 

Sometimes, the Scorpio wondered whom was actually taking care of whom.

* * *

Yamazaki Sousuke was a calm man.

 

Well, maybe not  _calm_  calm, but he was as collected as anyone could get, especially now when he is dealing with his traumatized best friend lying in his bed with tears threatening to spill from ruby orbs.

 

"Rin?"

 

It was frightening, really, having to predict what was going to happen. Sousuke knew what Rin had to go through when he was in Australia; he also knew of all the sexual harassment the other had to endure because of his small stature and feminine-looking face. It wasn't until he had hit his growth spurt that Rin managed to fight back; and even then it was still hard. The emotions that flashed by Rin's eyes that day when he spilled his guts out to him was unforgettable; and now Sousuke recognized those exact same – or maybe even other – emotions in those beautiful pair of ruby eyes struggling to keep tears from falling.

 

"Rin, it's okay."

 

The red-head merely shook his head, and Sousuke could see how he was trying to grip the sheets even tighter, no matter how white his knuckles already were. If he didn't know any better, the brunette would think that Rin wanted to rip his sheets and blankets apart. Sighing at his close friend's stubbornness, Sousuke moved to sit beside him on the bed and collected the lean body into a tight hug.

 

"S-Sou-!" Rin protested (of course he would, the prideful idiot), but his attempts at breaking free were weak, and it made Sousuke tighten his embrace even more. Being with Rin sometimes simply meant having to use force, and the tall brunette had luckily found a way to be forceful without harming the older one.

 

"Rin. It's me," he mumbled, holding his friend close, big hands moving gently across the broad back in an attempt to soothe. It was, of course, met with moot retaliation from the other.

 

"Let me go-"

 

Sosuke merely held on tighter.

 

"It's fine."

 

"Sousuke..!"

 

"Just cry."

 

"No...!"

 

Then, slowly but surely, Sousuke could feel Rin go slack, small sobs slowly wracking the lean, muscled body he was holding in his arms. What was taking Nanase and Tachibana so long? 


	2. Thread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rin, I'm sorry... Please hear me out," came Makoto's muffled apology from the other side, but Rin slammed his fist into the door beside him.
> 
> "Fuck off!"
> 
> The red head just didn't get it. Was Makoto really that disgusted with him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Am. So sorry it took this long :')  
> I lost all my files and had to re-write it from scratch!  
> Enjoy.

The sight of Rin, alive and breathing, huddled in those clean white sheets, made it feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off of Haruka's chest. It was comforting, to be able to see that smile on the shark's face, to know that he was at least alright in the physical sense. He was sure that Makoto was feeling the same thing as well, judging by his reaction anyway. The brunette didn't waste a single moment as he flung himself at the older male; hugging him so tight, so  _desperately_ , that Haruka himself couldn't help but crack a small smile. Those two were hopelessly in love, that much was obvious, but Haruka somehow felt uneasy thinking about the aftermaths. Makoto being Makoto is obviously going to coddle the red-head to death, driven by love and guilt. He'd probably won't leave without double and triple checking that the red head would be fine all by himself.

But what about Rin?

Rin with his pride and stubbornness; would he accept Makoto's mothering and be overall clingy? Would he be dependent on Makoto's protection? Haru knew that the orca wouldn't mind it a single bit – the raven was sure that he'd be overjoyed at the thought of a dependent and needy Rin. But the red-head had an odd way of thinking, and this was what confuses Haruka the most. There was a big possibility that Rin would also lock himself away again; distance himself from the world and just fall into his own personal hell hole. He'd weep, mope around and be overall emo and this was one of the possibilities that Haruka was hoping would not happen. It'd break Makoto's heart.

"Oi, Nanase."

_Ah, this guy again._

Rin's closest friend from his Sano Elementary days, Yamazaki Sousuke. Quite the perfect guy, this one. Overprotective as hell, probably thinking of Rin as his property or something. There was once a time where Haruka was worried this guy would take Rin away from Makoto; he now understood Rin's jealousy towards his own relationship with said brunette.

"What's gonna happen now, you think?"

"No idea," Haruka mumbled, shrugging as he folded his arms across his chest.

Which was, of course, a lie.

He had an  _idea_.

He just didn't want to think about it.

 

~*~

 

There were times when Rin felt as if he were beneath the pole – the lowest of the low – and this was one of those times.

Seeing his lover scurry in and out of their shared bedroom to get things for him while he just  _laid_  there like some disabled person really made his body twitch. He was  _fine_ , for fuck's sake; a few bruises here and there won't kill him. He'd been through way much worse, especially back in the days when he was still in dear ol' Aussie. Rin had tried to convince his boyfriend that he was okay and could do everything by himself just fine; he had even gone and proven it to him by getting up earlier and fixing them both coffee.

But then of course, Makoto had thrown a panicked fit (which actually seemed kind of cute; not that he'd ever admit it out loud) and insisted on doing everything and Rin had no choice but to oblige when his lover gave him his infamous set of puppy eyes.

It turned out that Sousuke had given Haruka the wrong impression when he called said dolphin about Rin's condition; now everyone in their group of friends thought that he had gotten gang-raped by those guys in the alley. When in truth, Rin had succeeded into beating the crap out of them before managing to run away. His escape was, unfortunately, not a clean one and he had to suffer from the effects of the aphrodisiac that they had managed to inject into his arm.

And some bruises on his wrist, shoulder, neck and arms, but Rin guesses that they were nothing compared to the lust-induced state he was in when Sousuke found him.

Rin snorted.

Yeah, getting a late-night call from from your best friend only to find him bloody, bruised and dirty by some park and shaking with raw need wasn't something you could digest in ten seconds. The red head couldn't (and refuses to) remember the things he had most likely said and did to his friend, and wondered whether he had traumatized the poor guy. He must've at least tried to get his friend to grope him, that's for certain.  _God_ , if Rin was the one in his shoes, he wasn't sure he could've handled it. And yet, Sousuke had managed, even though Rin could  _swear_  he had done a few things worth landing him in a brothel.

"Here," Makoto smiled gently as he sat down beside him, a plate of rice and curry in one hand and a glass of water in the other, "I tried my best not to fuck this one up. It tastes decent, I swear."

Rin gave him a teasing look.

"You sure you didn't mess the sugar up with salt again?"

The smile that Makoto threw back at him as a makeshift reply made his heart flutter in his chest. He knew he was lucky to have this mother hen as his boyfriend; knew how many guys and girls out there that'd be prepared to kill to have a guy like Makoto be theirs. Yeah sure, he does have some issues, especially in the cooking department, but all of that simply paled in comparison to the sweet, nurturing, understanding and loving side of him. Rin wondered if he could ever repay the guy in this lifetime.

  
~*~

 

Usually, taking a shower together wouldn't make Makoto's heart pound so much.

 _Usually_.

They've been together for almost four years and were both quite used to each other's naked bodies. But seeing your lover's usually smooth skin now littered with bruises – bruises you didn't inflict, bruises that weren't of love but of  _violence_  – really made you fidget.

No, Makoto wasn't uncomfortable.

He just wasn't sure of what to do.

One side of him wanted to just cover those hurting bruises with loving marks of his own; he wanted to reclaim what was his. But one other side of him was just too scared to do anything that might make Rin run away again; or anything at all that would hurt said shark. Makoto was also quite positive that his fidgeting showed; and it made him fidget all the more.

Endless cycle, that.

"Mako?"

When emerald orbs caught ruby, Makoto suddenly wanted to cry, reach out, and hold his lover tightly in his arms. Rin's eyes... They seemed so... Empty. As empty as the day when they had first met back then in High school, that day when Rin was still broken because of Australia. The brunette never forgave himself for that; for letting his doubts get the better of him and finally just let Rin solve things out with Haru. For not reaching out back then when they were small; when he knew that something was wrong but he stayed silent because of his fear. 

Makoto felt the guilt rushing back.

Why couldn't he protect the one thing he held dear the most? Makoto never seemed to be able to protect anyone at all. He couldn't save Haru when he got carried away by the river. He couldn't save Rei when he nearly drowned. He couldn't even keep a pair of goldfish from dying. And he had clearly failed in protecting Rin. If only he had stayed home that night, if only he didn't go out drinking... No, better yet, he should have gone and run after him and apologize and drag him back home so he could be  _safe_...

Damn, this was why Makoto hated quarrels so much.

"Oi, Mako," came Rin's voice again, shaking him out of his reverie, and the brunette blinked.

"Y-yeah?"

Oh shit, his voice wavered. Rin raised an eyebrow over his shoulder, eyes clearly asking what the hell was wrong with him. Makoto felt like he wanted to disappear. He knew that his boyfriend knew it when he was lying or feeling uncomfortable, or any of the sort, and he knew that Rin would most likely feel responsible for any of Makoto's fidgeting. Especially now that they had just gone through Rin's assault-problem right after a heated fight; Makoto was just  _sure_  that Rin would overthink things.

Gosh how he wished he could turn back time.

  
\---

 

Rin had felt Makoto's eyes on him.

It was taking him in throughout the whole shower, watching the bruises one by one, and Rin suddenly felt very self-conscious about his appearance as he stared at himself in the mirror. His lower body was covered with the towel he had wrapped around his waist, of course, but he could still the hint of a dark bruise peeking from above his hipbones... Not to mention the teeth marks on his shoulder that was glaring back at him from the mirror.

Fuck, no wonder Mako was staring at him.

He must've been disgusted.

A small voice in the back of his mind told him that Makoto would forever love him even if he became a disabled wreck anyway, but that voice of reason was drowned by voices of insecurities and doubt. Rin hadn't been completely honest when he told Sousuke his story. There was a brief moment – one, small,  _very_  brief moment that actually made a huge difference – where Rin was caught off-guard and one of the guys had shoved a couple of fingers into him. And even though he knew that most of his reactions that time was under the influences of the drug, he couldn't help but recalling how good it had felt. He had enjoyed the violation and he hated himself for it.

Scowling, Rin stepped out of the bathroom, leaving his boyfriend to wash off on his own.

_I don't deserve a saint like him. He must've felt disgusted._

Why else had Makoto seemed so uncomfortable being with him in the shower anyway?

 

\---

 

Rin was too alluring for his own good.

Makoto couldn't help but stare at that sexy, broad back that exposed itself to him, following Rin out of the bathroom. The brunette could see the faint trail of hickeys lining Rin's neck and shoulder. He could see the dark bruise by his lower back. He could see a faint bruise in the shape of a palm near Rin's hipbones too. He so desperately wanted to reach out, cover those marks with his own; he wanted Rin to know to whom he belonged; he wanted Rin to never leave his side and just become his entirely so that nothing similar as this could-

"Mako, what the fuck?"

_Eh?_

"Oi, what are you doing?" Rin spoke up again, and Makoto suddenly realized that he was standing with his arms tightly wrapped around his lover, Rin's fresh-scented wine-red locks tickling his nose as he buried his face in the nape of his neck. A voice somewhere in the back of his mind was yelling at him to let go but Rin's scent was just too intoxicating for the orca. Tightening his grip onto the older one's waist, Makoto started licking at the expanse of soft, sensitive skin, making sure to cover the fading marks made by those bastards. He sucked harshly, occasionally biting and drawing a bit of blood; he could hear Rin's mewling and soft moans coming from somewhere above him but he couldn't really care less as the task at hand was much much more important.

He was reclaiming what was his.

 

\---

 

"Ahhn... Mhhn..."

And Rin shoved his fist in his mouth before even more of those embarrassing sounds could escape his lips.

What the hell is Makoto thinking?

One second Rin was standing in front of his closet looking for clothes, and the next thing he knew he was being pulled into a hug as his boyfriend assaulted his neck. Not that he was complaining though; having his back pressed so closely against Makoto's broad chest felt so familiar and comforting. One would think that a person would forgo skinship until they had gotten over the shock of being sexually harassed; but not for Rin, no. He has gotten enough sexual harassment back then in Australia that his mind got over it pretty quickly.

No, what mattered most for Rin was  _acknowledgment_.

He needed to know that he was still craved, needed,  _wanted_ by the person that mattered the most. He needed to know that Makoto still loved him, won't leave him, will help him get through all of this, didn't think of any less of him. And the hold Makoto had on his body seemed to confirm all his needs. As the sucks on his neck became more and more aggressive, the hazier Rin's mind became, as well. Moving one hand from muffling his voice to keeping his weight onto the closet, Rin struggled to maneuver the other to reach back and find purchase in Makoto's dirty blonde locks.

"Ngh- Makoto-"

_Oh God those hands._

Those big hands that he loved so much was moving now and Rin found himself struggling to breathe as his heart pounded in his ears. He could feel one of those large hands grip tightly onto his hips, securing his body against that strong, muscled body as the other moved up to the wide expanse of his chest.

"Fu- ck!"

Rin knew he probably sounded like a whore right now, what with all his moaning and mewling, but he really found himself not giving a single flying fuck because it felt  _so good_  as Makoto's fingers finally found one of his nipples and started playing with it,  _harshly_. Rin's grip tightened. It was amazing how aggressive and rough Makoto could get once he was drawn in by Rin's pheromones; who would guess the always-gentle and thoughtful Tachibana Makoto loved biting to draw blood and digging nails into nipples?

"Ng- AH! M-Mako-"

_Don't stop._

 

_\---_

 

_What the hell do you think you're doing, Tachibana?!_

A small faint voice made itself known, but Makoto brushed it off.

_Rin has just gone through sexual harassment!_

The grip on his hair had tightened once again and Makoto dug a fingernail into Rin's nipple as he twisted it, feeling the arch of that beautiful body against his. He loved this feeling; the feeling of victory as he was finally able to take back what is rightfully his. He was erasing the marks those assholes had left on  _his_  Rin, and the fact that Rin was moaning above him fueled his lust all the more. Makoto bit down harder.

"M-Mako— Ngh!"

But then, that little voice of reason yelled out again from the back of his mind.

_What if he's still traumatized?!_

Makoto tch-ed. So what if he was? Rin was his boyfriend, wasn't he? Surely if there was one that could cure Rin of his trauma, it'd be no other than Makoto himself.

"Ahngg.."

Those mewls. Rin's mewls and soft moans; they sounded like music to his ears. And knowing that he was the one doing all this, knowing that Rin was like this because of him, it gave him a pleasant feeling of dominance, of power, of –

_You're no different than those rapists._

Makoto froze.

_You're worse than they are._

The voice was quiet, cold, and  _faint_ , but it was enough to break through the haze of lust clouding his mind. Was he really?

_Of course you are you idiot. Forcing yourself upon him when you know he had just gone through sexual harassment? What kind of a boyfriend are you, exactly?_

Reality hit him.

Immediately, Makoto moved back as though he's been burned, breathing suddenly turning heavy as his eyes went wide. What in the world had he done? Oh God what had he done. His conscience was right; Rin had just gone through sexual harrassment and now Makoto was making him go through it all over again! All of that just because he couldn't hold himself back; all because he  _had_  to claim Rin back. How low could a person get? What kind of a boyfriend was he?!

"M-Mako?" Rin mumbled, a frown adorning his beautiful face as he turned around to face his lover, and that was when another surge of guilt flooded Makoto's chest.

Rin.

Oh God,  _Rin_.

Emerald searched ruby and Makoto nearly smacked himself as he saw the fear and uncertainty filling Rin's beautiful eyes staring right back at him. The two of them had been together long enough for Makoto to immediately see that his boyfriend was trying to keep from overthinking, to keep from panicking-

Oh God.

Rin must be trying to reason out why Makoto had done all of that! He... He must be...! Rin was  _such_  a romantic, he was hopeless enough to indulge the brunette in anything that he wanted, eventhough at the cost of his own discomfort; just as Makoto would forever always comply to Rin's wishes no matter how absurd. But Makoto was  _used_  to giving, he was used to giving up what he wanted for the twins, he was used to prioritizing Haru's needs, he was used to prioritizing Rin as whole! Whereas the red-head was used to  _receiving._ Rin never had to put his own needs aside for anybody except Gou (and now, maybe, Makoto) and he always got what he wanted.

For the red-head to actually put aside his own discomfort just to indulge Makoto's perverted wants-

_You're the lowest of the low, Tachibana._

"Makoto?" Rin mumbled, and the brunette watched as he hesitantly stepped forward and reached out to cup the taller one's face; but that was also when Makoto noticed the trembling of those nimble fingers. And then it hit him. Rin's voice was also trembling. It was, wasn't it?

"A-are you okay? Makoto?"

It was.

Oh God, it was. He must have been scared out of his mind-

"Makoto?" Rin repeated, now fully facing him, the fear in his eyes now overcome by worry. Makoto closed his eyes as he felt Rin's hand rest on his face; that wide palm cuppng his jaw as those long fingers covered his cheeks, with a gentle thumb stroking his face lovingly in an attempt to soothe. Makoto felt guiltier by the minute. Gritting his teeth, the brunette stepped back.

 _You really are no better than those rapists, Tachibana. Look at him. You were molesting him not even three minutes ago and yet he still worries about you._   _He loves you that much and all you can think about is your own possessiveness. Way to go, asshat._

Missing the shocked and nearly hurt look on the red head's face, Makoto stepped further away and shook his head in obvious regret.

"I'm sorry, Rin."

"What? Makoto – "

"I'm so sorry."

_I don't deserve you._  
  
  


~*~

 

Ever since that incident in the bedroom, Rin felt that something was odd but brushed it off. He thought that Makoto probably had a good reason for stopping so abruptly and apologizing so much. Makoto had probably felt guilty for taking the intiative so boldly, so soon, and Rin accepted that. He knew how much of a worrywart his boyfriend was, anyway. It wasn't until that one time he hugged the taller one from behind that he realized something was really wrong. Makoto had tensed visibly in the embrace – and tensed even more as Rin kissed his shoulder in an attempt to soothe.

After another few attempts of simple skinship that resulted in obvious avoidance, the red head finally gave up. Rin had already stopped trying to get anything out of the brunette; he had stopped giving him surprise hugs, stopped teasing him, stopped nibbling or kissing his neck, he didn't even ask for good morning kisses! He didn't know what was going on and he hated to be left in the dark; but he also knew that asking the taller one for answers wouldn't bring much, either. The guy avoided confrontation like the plague and Rin just had to accept that Makoto would probably make it up to him somehow, and that he'd notice it when Makoto was back to normal.

What hurt the most, though, was what had happened this afternoon, and it put the last straw on Rin's thinning patience. It was just a simple nuzzling of Makoto's neck when they were huddled up on the couch and suddenly, Makoto twitched. The guy fucking  _twitched_  just because Rin had nuzzled his neck! I mean, what the actual fucking  _fuck_?!

Rin swore he had never felt this hurt before.

Not when he was bullied in Australia, not when he couldn't beat Haruka, not even when his father died. This... This was a more complex type of hurt. There were too many emotions going rampage inside him at the same time, too many thoughts passing through his mind, too many sweet memories of him and Makoto that simply made the situation even more bitter. Rejection was something that Rin was used to. Rejection was something that he knew how to handle.

Or at least, that's what Rin thought.

"Rin, I'm sorry... Please hear me out," came Makoto's muffled apology from the other side, but Rin slammed his fist into the door beside him.

"Fuck off!"

The red head just didn't get it. Was Makoto really that disgusted with him?

Knowing that you weren't wanted by someone you needed simply...  _stung._

And it stung like one hell of a motherfucker.  
  
  
~*~

 

Somehow, Sousuke couldn't say he was surprised when Rin suddenly said he wanted to go home with him.

The two had met on their usual jogging route, and they did their normal routine until they had reached the end of their track when the red-head had suddenly voiced out his wish. Sousuke had a knack for being spot-on when it came to predicting situations – either he was a descendant of Merlin or he was simply very logically skilled – and the only thing that surprised him was how soon it actually happened.

It's only been two weeks since Tachibana had taken Rin home, after all.

"Tachibana might get worried, you know. You should give him a call," the brunette suggested as he handed over the cup of tea, and was met with glaring red eyes.

"He doesn't even fucking care," came the response, and Sousuke shrugged as he took the opposite seat.

"I thought Tachibana was incapable of cruelty?"

"Oh he is," Rin mumbled sarcastically, rolling his eyes, "Just … In a different way."

"How so?"

The question earned him another glare.

"Forget it."

Ah, how predictable. Typical Rin, really, to make assumptions about something and jump to illogical conclusions, and to then defensively refuse to think it through when people offered him facts that said otherwise. He was stubborn like that, and it was honestly a bit troublesome. Sousuke had to use a roundabout way for this one problem. The brunette set his cup down on the table and moved to sit beside the sulking young man.

"Did you ask him?"

"About?"

"How he feels about all this."

A snort was his reply this time, instead of a glare.

"What?"

"That mother hen would never tell me the truth. Four years and he still tries to spare my dignity," Rin mumbled, setting his cup down also before leaning back into the seat, mumbling into the air, "Lying won't do it justice, asshat."

Sousuke was sure that last part wasn't meant for him. He moved to prop his elbow onto the leaning.

"Then tell him you want the truth."

"Psh. As if it were that easy."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

Rin avoided his gaze.  _Typical._

"Rin," he pressed on, and the redhead took a shaky breath. Sousuke patiently waited, and moved to get his tea cup so as to not stare and make his childhood friend even more uncomfortable. It was just like that time where the shark had opened up to him about being irrationally attracted to the captain of the Iwatobi swim team; only this time the sitatuations were a bit gloomier. Rin had to be eased into talking; he had to feel comfortable first. Sousuke really wondered why the older one couldn't feel comfortable enough around his own boyfriend to actually go and have a heart-to-heart talk; but then again, maybe that was the difference between having a best friend and a boyfriend.

"... What if it's just an obligation?" Rin spoke up from beside him, and Sousuke raised his brows.

"What is?"

"Me," the older one mumbled, "What if I'm an obligation. Just... a boyfriend."

Oh, now Sousuke gets the gist of it. Rin was being insecure, and he was afraid of being rejected by the guy he loved. Sousuke knew how fed up the man was with rejection and the like. Rin was afraid that Tachibana merely took care of him because the other felt like he had to; that it was his responsibility as a boyfriend, and not because he loved Rin. Sousuke could see the logic in that – seeing how gentle-natured the red-head's boyfriend was – but then again Rin did have a tendency to be paranoid and over-think many things.

"Why would he?" he reasoned, "He loves you a lot, that much was obvious when he picked you up last time," and this time, he somehow noticed Rin's expression soften.

"Psh. Why would he  _not_? Wouldn't be surprised if he did; it's not the first time anyway. He's used to doing things because he  _has_  to, not because he  _wants_  to. Why would I be an exception?"

Sousuke tried his best to hold his face from cracking a smile. His best friend was so in love, wasn't he?

"You're his boyfriend."

"Yeah, only for so long. I bet he'll dump me in the future for a nice girl."

Sousuke blinked at that, and inwardly facepalmed himself. He had forgotten how much Rin's insecurities could affect his self-esteem and optimism. It fueled him to overthink things even more, and made him oversee the obvious simple things that were simply there. Maybe that's what Sousuke was there for, to put Rin's thoughts back on track.

"Would  _you_?" he asked after a moment of silence, and finally,  _finally_ , Rin turned to meet his eyes, a frown adorning that admittedly feminine-like face. His ruby eyes were searching Sousuke's own teal ones in confusion at his statement.

"... Would I what?"

"Dump him in the future for a nice girl."

A blush as red as his hair colored Rin's face as he straightened up in his seat, sputtering,"Of course not! Why in the world would you ask that?!"

"Well, people usually accuse others of something they have often thought about doing," Sousuke shrugged, "Or often wished of happening. Do you  _want_ him to leave you?"

"Sousuke!"

The brunette raised both his hands as a sign of peace as Rin let out a scowl.

"Hey, just saying. If you keep thinking about something too much, it'll most likely happen."

"But he – "

"Loves you. And if you love  _him_ , you wouldn't have so many doubt-"

And Sousuke was cut off as Rin suddenly growled, angry tears threatening to spill, voice low and threatening. He got up to his feet, fists balled at his side, and the brunette  _just_ knew that he had struck a nerve. And, while most people would actually be afraid of this, Sousuke saw this as a good sign. An angry Rin meant an honest Rin, and Sousuke could finally get to the bottom of the problem without any more beating around the bush. Besides, there's nothing the red-head dished out that he couldn't handle anyway.

He steeled himself for the older one's outbursts.

"He  _rejected_  me damn it! He refused  _all_  of my advances, no matter how small!" Rin took a step forward towards him, with a few tears managing to escape, "He even hesitates to cuddle or even get into the same shower with me! What  _am I_ supposed to think, Sousuke,  _what_?!" and the brunette couldn't help but frown as his friend pulled him up by the collar and glared at him with tear-filled eyes.

Ah. So  _that's_  what this is all about.

"Rin..."

"He's disgusted with me, I know it!  _I'm_  disgusted with me! I- "

And as the grip on his shirt slackened, Sousuke slowly tried to gather that sob-racked body into a hug. Rin was crying freely now, a dark spot forming on the front of Sousuke's shirt as the red-head clung to him as if he were his last life line. The whale sighed. This was another one of those simple misunderstandings just because the two of them suck at getting their points across. You'd think they'd get along better after four years of dating, but some things just don't change, probably.

_Yeah, like Rin's insecurities._

Sousuke combed his fingers through the soft wine-red strands. He understood where the problem was now. He might not be close to the other brunette, but he can sure read his actions and find reason behind them. All the stories that Rin told him about their relationship helped a lot, too.

"Rin... Tachibana worries about everyone, yes?"

A shaky nod came from below him, and the grip on his shirt tightened.

"He feels the hurt of others, yes?"

Another nod.

"And he likes to take the blame for things that he can't control too, yes?"

Now only silence answered him, but Sousuke knew Rin was listening.

"Has it ever occurred to you, Rin, that maybe, just  _maybe,_ Tachibana is so much more affected by this than you are?"

The tense silence around them answered it all.

 

_~*~_

 

Autumn was hitting the city hard lately, and the wind was just so fierce that he couldn't even enjoy getting soaked in the rain anymore.

Haruka really wished that the weather wasn't this cold. Not to mention that the constant rattling of the rain hitting the roof was becoming a huge distraction. Haru still had to ink several pages that his senpai had given him before getting back on writing that assignment on the healing powers of water.

It was fascinating really, the things that water could do.

It was calm and went with the flow, but when in massive amounts could even be more powerful than any other element! It had healing powers, it had destructive powers, it had nurturing powers, and most of all, water was –

"... Haru!"

Sigh.

"Haruuuu. Were you even listening?" Makoto whined from beside him, and Haruka calmly continued his inking as his best friend threw him a pout, reminding Haru of the image of a kicked puppy.

"... You basically don't know what to do with Rin," he answered flatly, eyes still focused onto the paper in front of him.

Beside him, his best friend sighed knowingly and slumped onto the table.

"So you  _haven't_  been paying attention."

 _Yes I have_ , was the indignant look that Haru shot back at the brunette, and the gentle sad smile that slowly crept unto Mako's face suddenly made him feel guilty for some unknown reason.

"Sorry," the brunette apologized, "My rantings have been keeping you from work, huh? It's just that... I don't know what he's thinking. I can't read him and I'm scared of doing anything wrong."

Haruka tilted his head. Well that's stupid.

"But you've never been wrong before."

"Yes I have! I- I did a lot of things that he didn't like, and-"

At this point, the dolphin really was starting to get annoyed with Makoto's insecurities. Most of them don't even make sense. Well, to him anyway. Rin was as obvious as an open book, and he was just so simple that it was nearly impossible to read the guy wrong. Not to mention that he'd be easy to persuade once you got on his good side, no matter how grumpy he pretended he was. Sighing, Haru abandoned his stack of papers and turned to fully face his life-long friend.

"Rin likes almost everything you do," Haruka deadpanned, watching his best friend splutter for a response.

"Well, yeah, but-"

Haru raised a hand.

"He loves you, Makoto. Just do whatever you usually do. It's not as if he had minded before."

"But that's exactly  _it_ , Haru! He spoils me too much! He... He had always saw me as a person he had to spoil because I was spoiling everyone else, and he just – I don't want him to do things he doesn't want just because of me!"

The raven blinked.

_God, Makoto and Rin can be so alike sometimes._

"If he agrees to it, I can hardly see the part where he doesn't want to do it," the dolphin retorted dryly, "Aren't you doing the same for him too? You usually don't agree to half of whatever antics he sums up, but you go and do it anyway," Haru accused with a raise of an eyebrow and Makoto wailed.

"But I – "

"Look, just do whatever you want. Rin  _likes_  being dominated, remember?"

Rin obviously hated it whenever the orca was too selfless, even if for the shark's own benefits. He seemed to like Makoto's dominating side a lot – or maybe too much, since he seemed to always try and piss the taller one off just to see said brunette's reaction. It happened one too many times to  _not_  get noticed and Haruka wondered whether his best friend really was that dense. Which brings up another topic, actually; aren't there better ways to see Makoto's reactions  _besides_  pissing him off? A pissed off orca is actually quite scary – Haruka's been on the receiving end one time or two, after all these years – and it's a wonder why the shark loves that reaction the most.

Huh.

Maybe Haru was right all along and Rin actually  _is_  a masochist.

"Since  _when_?" Makoto blurted out, confused, shaking Haru out of his train of thoughts. Said raven merely shook his head before returning to his inking, ignoring his best friend's demands for explanations. Yeah, Mako really was that dense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't think this is a good piece at all; I could've done way better.  
> My writing skills are way too rusty.
> 
> Anyways, if any of you have suggestions as to how the story might continue, do feel free to tell me.  
> Thank you for reading!


	3. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stop lying to me, God damn it!" Rin snapped, taking a step back, balling his fists by his side as he hid his face behind long red bangs. He was sick of this. That damned same line again! How many times is Makoto planning to repeat that, exactly? That lie is as transparent as fuck, and Rin found his anger increasing the very instant Makoto finished his sentence. This was annoying, really, and it gave him more reasons to actually go than stay.

"The number you are calling is currently out of reach. Please check the number and try your call again, or-"

God  _damn_  how he  _hated_  that line.

Now he knew how Rin must've felt that night.

Okay, so maybe Makoto isn't stuck in some park after almost being harassed by a bunch of thugs in an alley desperately needing help. But this call held the same urgency none the less seeing as the brunette was calling to make sure that  _that_  wasn't going to happen again! It was already twelve-thirty and Makoto hasn't received any word from Rin since the red-head left this morning for his jog.

Makoto knew he didn't have much right to be angry since his phone was dead the last time Rin had desperately needed him; but damn it, he was worried. He just wanted to know where his boyfriend was; whether he was safe; why he didn't come home first before running off; where he actually went off; whom he went off with; whether the shark had come willingly; whether it was actually someone he knew or just some random thug again; whether –

_Fuck, Makoto, stop that._

Now his own conscience was starting to sound a lot like Rin does; not a very good sign. Annoyed, Makoto threw his phone across the room, watching it luckily land right on top of his dirty laundry.

He felt uncomfortable.

He needed someone to take care of or he'd be at a loss on what to do; like right now. To be honest, the orca knew how useless he was on his own (thanks to Rin who pointed it out all these years). Before dating Rin, he didn't have any real ambitions, no real goals, no nothing. He was just so used to the caring of others, being there for others, supporting others; he simply forgot what to do for himself. He needed to be needed; he was a people-pleaser. And that made him do a lot of things of which mostly he didn't even approve of. Of course his best friend was always there since forever to steer him back when it got a bit too much, but...

Haru wasn't the one who broke down his walls and barged into his life just like that. Haru wasn't the one who forced him out of his comfort zone. Haru wasn't the one who forced him to change – though Makoto knew that said raven hated his martyr-complex as much as the redhead does. That redhead, Rin, was simply the person who changed him, while Haruka had been there practically all his life and didn't know how to change him since they pretty much grew up together like that.

When you know someone too well, you just start to tolerate everything that person does (because you know most of the reasons behind them), and you end up not being able to differentiate the person's positive and negative traits anymore.

Makoto flopped down with a sigh.

All he wanted right now was for Rin to come ho–

"Tadaima."

_Well speak of the devil._

 

_~*~_

 

It wasn't much of a surprise if Makoto protested.

"Rin, no. I.. I really don't approve."

It  _is,_  however, if Makoto actually forbid him.

"Why?"

Which he just did.

"Well..." the taller brunette fidgeted, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt, "You... You still have to recover..." was the lame excuse that came out, and Rin rolled his eyes. Typical. Not voicing out your real selfish intentions, and masking it by making it seem as if you're doing this for the other's interest. Typical Makoto.  _God_  how Rin hated that selfishly selfless side of his boyfriend.

"I'm just fine."

And in went Rin's neatly folded black top into his backpack, followed by a pair of fresh underwear. He could feel his boyfriend's emerald eyes drilling holes into his back, but he was dead set on ignoring it. It was decided; the redhead was going to stay over at Sousuke for the next two days just because he felt like it. He had made the decision on a whim, and definitely not because he couldn't stand being in the same room with Makoto without wanting to jump him but also fearing the rejection and loathing the hope of being accepted that came with it. Nope, not at all. He just wanted to stay over at his bestie's place, is all.

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that._

"Rin, no, please don't. Just stay home with me, please?" came Makoto's pleading from behind him, and the Aquarius was overcome with the sudden urge to punch something. He didn't really know why; maybe he was tired. It  _was_  one o'clock in the morning and he only came back home to fetch necessities. The tone in his boyfriend's voice clearly showed genuine concern, and Rin suddenly, almost, nearly let himself cave in.

But no.

This time, he had to have the heart to reject Makoto.

The brunette had rejected him in return as well, anyway.

"No," was the curt reply that Rin gave before zipping up his bag and hoisting it onto his shoulder. He had all the necessities covered; now all he needed to do was get his jacket and get out of there. Turning around, Rin made his way past his boyfriend and into the hall, but was brought to a sudden halt as he felt someone's grip on his upper arm. The shark turned around with a tired, annoyed sigh.

" _What?_ " came the biting inquiry, and Rin ignored the wince that passed Makoto's handsome face.

"Rin, please don't," Makoto pleaded, his cute eyes twinkling like that of an innocent puppy, and the shark could feel the grip on his arm tightening slightly in hope. Rin would be lying if he said he weren't affected; he  _did_  love the man quite a lot, after all. His heart clenched and he could feel the faint prickles of tears in his eyes.

Rin sighed.

He loved Makoto, a lot, and he knew it should be serious if the brunette actually forbid him something. There was something in the tone of his voice, in the glint of his eyes, something that Rin couldn't name; couldn't recognize. He'd be heartless if he said he didn't want to figure out what it was and just stay home, but he also couldn't just stay there and feel neglected in the house that they shared together. He needed to get out.

Gently, Rin worked his arm out of Makoto's grip and straightened up.

"Mako, it's just a sleepover. I'll be back the day after tomorrow."

And there it was, that unreadable glint again, as Makoto's hands now both shot out to take a hold of his shoulders. Rin frowned.

"Rin,  _please_. I'm sorry, don't be mad at me, it's just..." and the brunette halted mid-way, blinking, as if trying to rearrange the words. Rin sighed. He hated it when his boyfriend did this; it was obvious that he was trying to spare Rin's dignity, pride, whatever – Makoto pussy-footed nearly everything at it pissed Rin off as much as it intrigues it him.

What was it this time?

"Just...?" the red head echoed, half-hoping that, unlike previous times, the brunette would actually give a straight answer for once.

"Just... Just stay home with me. Please?"

_Oh hell._

"Stop that."

"Wha-? Rin?"

"Stop  _lying_  to me, God damn it!" Rin snapped, taking a step back, balling his fists by his side as he hid his face behind long red bangs.

He was sick of this. That damned same line again! How many times is Makoto planning to repeat that, exactly? That lie is as transparent as  _fuck_ , and Rin found his anger increasing the very instant Makoto finished his sentence. This was annoying, really, and it gave him more reasons to actually go than stay.

"Just, just  _stop it_ , okay?! You think I don't know?! I may not be able to read your mind like Haru does, but I've been with you long enough to know you're lying to me!"

"Rin, I'm not – "

" _When_  are you going to stop trying and spare my dignity?! I can take whatever you want to say to me, damn it, just  _say it_!"

Rin willed himself to open his eyes – he hadn't even realized he'd closed them – and glare up into his boyfriend's shocked face. Makoto was frozen in place, eyes wide and mouth half-open as he tried to process what Rin had just done. Or maybe he's trying to come up with another lie, another way to pussyfoot, another way to use his coddling and loving to get Rin to cave in, another way to play unfair –

_Fuck it_.  _He won't say anything anyway._

Fed up, Rin turned on his heels but never made a step further Makoto suddenly had a vice grip on his upper arm once more. It was flattering, really. Usually the brunette would just stop trying after Rin had an outburst like that. Maybe he really was going to tell the truth?

_Stop hoping, Matsuoka, are you really that stupid?_

God, Rin was hopelessly in love, wasn't he? Makoto never refrained his lying habit in four years, so why would Rin start hoping now? Some things just don't change.

"Rin, listen to me," Makoto sighed out, tone desperate, but he honestly couldn't care anymore. Like he said, this is flattering and all, but some things just don't change and Rin just has to accept that. Besides, the guy had avoided him for a week or so now, had recently also lied to him, so really, what more was there left to say that wouldn't add oil to fire?

Rin growled, "Why should I?"

If Makoto couldn't open up to him anymore then why should he? Rin watched as his boyfriend blinked, a bit taken aback at his statement. He could feel the grip on his arm loosen considerably, also.

"Why...?" Makoto parroted, "What do you mean, Rinrin?"

The red head flinched, face nearly softening as he heard that loving nickname, but  _no._  Makoto was being unfair, as usual, using his coddling and loving as a means to get Rin to cave in.  _I know this routine like the back of my hand._

"Why should I listen to someone who avoids me like the plague?" Rin gritted out, "With someone who lies to me, to spare my dignity for his own peace of mind? With someone who rejects me the moment I need him the most?" the last part came out quietly, and Rin regretted those words the moment he saw Makoto's hurt face, but he had to be honest. That's how things were, weren't they? The truth hurts and stings like a bitch, just as much as karma does. Tears are gathering in eyes now, and Rin tilted his head back, rapidly blinking, willing the tears away. Seems kind of useless, actually, seeing as he was actually already crying anyway, but fuck it. As long as the tears ain't falling, he ain't crying.

"Wh.. Rin.. I... I never –" The brunette began, spluttering as he was trying to find words, words that won't upset Rin even more, words that Rin knww weren't really the truth, words that weren't really a part of Makoto's mind but just words he had to get out to calm things down.

But really, Makoto's excuses were so predictable sometimes, and Rin's tired of hearing the same shit over and over again.

"Yeah yeah. You never meant to," he snapped harshly, "You never do mean most of the things you do, Mako," Rin bit out, taking a step back, a step away from the taller brunette. His words were harsh, yes, but really, that's how truth is. Besides, wasn't he making it easier for Makoto by taking the words out of his mouth?

"I'm off," and away turned Rin, off to the front door.

Or at least, that's what he had planned to do.

Instead, a hand on his shoulder halted him in his steps, and a sharp pain went through his upper back as it collided harshly with the wall. He could feel a sharp tug on his arm as his backpack fell and caught on to his elbow, but it was ripped off of him in a matter of seconds; falling somewhere faraway in the vicinity of the living room with a heavy thud. The next thing he knew, he was staring right into Makoto's determined eyes.

The brunette was scared, and a small flicker of hesitancy was visible, but he was determined. A determined Makoto meant a forceful Makoto, and this couldn't ever end up good. And despite the racing of his pulse, the throbbing of his heartbeat, the fear that filled his chest, Rin found himself also slightly liking it.

_Oh God, Haru was right, I_ am _a masochist._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four will take a while, I think.  
> Am dead on ideas Orz  
> Inputs would help :')
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is me trying a new style of writing so that I can contribute into the OTP that's currently controlling my life.  
> Inputs are very very very much appreciated!  
> If you have any ideas as how the story should progress, feel free to tell me :3
> 
> Thank you for reading and have a nice day!  
> Kudos are love.


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